Cut the Shit

The Joy of the NYC Subway

A couple of days ago I had boarded the subway for my rush hour commute to work. I do this ride so often that I can immediately tell if there if something is off. When I entered the car of the train, I found that a couple of seats were available, which is strange cuz at that time of day, there is usually wall-to-wall people. I took my seat, turned my Ipod up and closed my eyes.

A few stops later the woman sitting next to me tapped me on the arm. I removed my earphones and she said “Watch your feet”. I looked down and saw a stream of water running by my feet. I thanked her and positioned my feet appropriately. Then I told the woman next to me that the water was inching towards her so that she had the opportunity to move as well. She smiled and moved out of the way.

Another stop came and went and I felt poking on my arm again. I turned and the lady said “Be really careful, cuz its urine, not water.” I was like “WHAAAA?” and I looked down to follow the trail of liquid back to its source. Sitting at the other end of the subway car was a guy in a wheelchair. Around him was a puddle of splattered urine and it was clear to me that he had had an accident.

I stood up and walked toward the guy in the wheelchair. I figured that if I could get close enough to him, I might be able to avoid the piss all together. Sitting a few seats down from him, I realized the pee was starting to go all whilly nilly. It was shifting and running all over the place due to the direction of the subway.

I felt really bad for the guy in the wheelchair, but I noticed that he was traveling with a bunch of friends. They were all in their 30’s and I was a bit perturbed that no one moved to clean him up or the surrounding area. Poor guy.

As I sat watching the pee twist and turn into new directions, I felt vomit rise in my throat. I have a terribly weak stomach and I knew that I was going to spew all over the guy in the wheelchair if I didn’t get up and move cars. At the next stop, I did just that and lo and behold the other subway car was jam packed. I should have known something was up the minute I stepped into a half-empty car during rush hour.

The odd part of this whole thing was that until now I haven’t told anyone that story. I hung out with people all week and it never crossed my mind. I guess as New Yorkers we get used to these types of things happening and just go on with our day.

But still….a river of pee almost went all over the shoes that I borrowed from Paul. Wouldn’t THAT have made him a happy guy?

Have a wonderful pee-free weekend y’all!